Just a little selfish but this hurts most, being second place to those who you want to be first. I’ve never had something of my own, something that is just mine and I’m just theirs. I’m always the one to hold peoples hearts behind the curtains. Operating things without acquiring credit. 

I’m so tired of being second, my flame be pushed on the back burner left there to die and burn to ashes. Why can I never poses something that is mine and mine alone? Or maybe really deep i’m just as selfish as those that I know. I’m loosing it, because i’m looking for a place that is unattainable or unreachable. My bestfriend is not just mine but hers too, I’ve never been the kind to hog what is others but damn. I’m always the one to be hidden, kept away in a treasure box with no slight mention. The guy I like, yeah I guess he’s doing his own thing. I’m left here to be kept away for his return and it’s killing me. All my life I’ve wanted something to call my own and it’s just left me even worse than I started off. Being in a crowd of those I love, but even more alone. 

Every time I close my eyes, I in-vision us together just laying there like we did in that secret place. Every time I see couples I witness a potential future us, every breath I take is taken away just thinking bout our kiss. I got it bad, for us, for you.

I don’t know what to do with myself, I am so helpless to the engorging thought of us. I am submerged in the love I have for you, there is nothing stronger, nothing better the taste of your lips or the feeling of your hands around my hips. I am defenceless against your guarded heart, so weak to fall deep in affection as the oceans bottomless pit. Wrapped around your finger you have me in the palm of your hand, baby don’t break me. Rose petal delicate I am fragile to your words, swords cut deep as I’m here left thinking about you. You are the last of my thoughts as I’m unconscious at night, the last of my remembrance as I dream and the first on my mind when I arise. Left here waiting upon your arrival to tell me everything I’ve been missing. I am a fool, I got it bad for you.

There is something so unforgettable about us, if I can even call it “us”. Speaking in past tense like us ended when to be honest us never even started. So how can I feel so hopeful and so hopeless, so in lust with someone who I’ve never lusted , and love someone so much who’s never professed their love for me.

I remember the first time I laid eyes on you, I never through we’d end up where we are today. Looked into my eyes and saw something more, beyond this body something more like my eternal soul. When we first kissed, it gave me the one of the highest highs. I remember when I first thought I loved you, I’m still in denial. How can I feel this way, about someone who seems so distant so far away. I’m so broken and torn because you love me when you love me, I hate the fact I cant fight back so I love more. You break me, mend me and break me again. Only to have me loving you more than I’ve ever loved before. Do you ever think of me? Do you reminiscence on our past and maybe future destiny? Do you love me like I love you or do I love more and you just get to slide through. Touch my body like no one’s ever touched before, how can this lust feel so much like love? Those lips and those kisses, those hands and straddling positions, damn. Am I being an idiot? Or just Lustful? Because fuck… I miss “Us”. 

“Steph, you are actually fat, no offence.. I just thought you were skinny.”         People never understand how vulnerable a girl especially in this time and age can feel. To the pressure of society, keeping a good reputation and trying their best to appeal to those around them. Honestly I know I’m not skinny, but fuck I never thought I was fat. I’ve learned how to be strong, but when you get teard down by friends..I can just look in the mirror now and just spot out all the places I can loose weight. It’s like a tsunami, just engulfing me in it’s waves washing away self esteem and leaving me washed up on the shore..Man I’m loosing it and sometimes I just pull strength out of my ass to remind myself I’m good enough. Damn my tears are so salty, life is so bitter-sweet. -StephyMunequita

I’m so young so any reference to love maybe just puppy love or maybe you won’t believe what I feel is love. But as of now, I’ll just say i’m in love. 

There is something about you I love, and I wish I could pin point one thing but it’s everything. I love your smile, those eyes that seam to just tell me different stories. I love how you are with your family, that family love that just inspires me. I love how you make me feel beautiful, even though I’m usually acting like an asshole. I love the way you kiss me, how we are together and apart through the months or miles. There is something so different about you, something that will put my heart at halt for you. I can’t even describe this feeling, of faithfulness, willingness and persistence to always make this want to work even though we are not together. And maybe this is not love, and maybe I am just playing a fool, but the poem I wrote earlier about Beauty, you just fulfilled it. So for now, in this moment, I’ll just say I’m In Love. 

This was a response to my friends poem. I just think what I wrote was beautiful, so.

This is where I can tell your love is still in the process of being mature, the scroll is there waiting to be written but you are only half way there, not at your full potential. I’d love to be a world wind with you, that hurrican that tears up nations. That is us, the perfect combination of beautiful and destructive. See, My love for you is so strong, I will not jeopardzie us, or you just for the moment or something so sugary sweet. Us, we will last a lifetime, so why put that on the line now? Lets hurt together, far from eachother so when we are together nothing is fucking better.

Why destroy us now, when we can build us a castle, and live happily ever after. Our journey will build our fairytale, our stuggle let sunshine through our windows, and our protection be our hearts, so strong, blessed and guided.-StephyMunequita

Is perfection so blind to the human eye where we shape our imagery to fit some type of standard? Is perfection nothing but in the eye of the beholder, because no matter how you are, or look someone will always think you’re beautiful. 

To me, perfection is real. Perfection in my eyes is something far different than what perfection is to you. Maybe it’s David Beckham, Trey Songz or maybe the boy/girl next door. Why are so so hung on the ideal of perfection? Of being perfect in every eye witness. Why change for someone temporary when someone who loves you, loves you unconditionally? Regardless if you dont have perfect skin, eyes or teeth. Someone loves you, I love you because you’re perfect to me. So stop all these changes that will get you no where, but work on your heart and your soul. If you glow from the inside,everyone stops and stares.-StephyMunequita 

These feelings are just the same as breathing, so familiar to me. If we end up next to each other baby tell me, is it cold coincidence or is it destiny?

I cant put my finger on it, whatever this is. I can’t get rid of it, what could this be? It’s so confusing, all these familiar feelings that always come back to haunt me. I wish I could run, run away from this weight on my heart. I feel so pathetic, so stupid for these feelings that seam so timeless. There is no way this is equal, no way you can feel the way I for you. Like fuck. I want this, I want to be patience because good things come to those who wait. But how can I wait for you and your mixed signals? I get jealous, I get hurt then you make me smile, oh that smile..and I can’t stay mad. I have no right to be jealous, for something that was never mine. But I can’t help how I feel, who my heart gravitates toward. These feelings, fuck these feelings I love. -StephyMunequita

I love you and you don’t even know it yet. I haven’t even laid eyes on you and I know I will be everything you desire in a big sister. Even if we may not be perfect, I promise to be the best role model I can be, just for you.

Babygirl, this world is full of devils, full of snakes and wolves dressed in lamb skins. This world will deceive you, hurt you and shape you to either be strong through the currents or drown within the deep sea. I am here to say, even if we may fight, argue and say things we do not mean, I will always love you. I will be here to teach you the right from my wrongs, help you pick yourself up when you fall. Teach you how to be a lady, and a woman of God even through my journey of discovery. I will be the big sister you need. God bless your soul. -StephyMunequita.

This is everything I’ve wanted, for as long as I can remember. So why am I guarding myself from this, why am I scared to persure what I’ve wanted for so long. 

This must be deja vu, I’ve been here before. I know this feeling, this familiarity with how this ends. I’ve wanted you to be around for so long and as soon as you left I was left in such an estate.. It was not in my own control. Now that I know you are never here to stay, i’m hesitant to have you back in my life. I am scared to have you around, for my own sake. How could this be everything I’ve wanted? It is now so bitter-sweet. I want to believe the words that come out of your mouth, but I convince myself they’re lies. I cannot get so attached, so comfortable. How can this be everything I’ve wanted but cant reach out to grab it? Reverse me. 

Building rage inside of me like a tamed but roaring lion, ready to be unleashed.

For some reason I contain how I feel, and just let the rage build inside of me. As much as I may like you, you do so much shit that just makes me want to box you in the throat. I’m just waiting for the opportunity to tell you how much I hate the shit you do. I hate when i’m weak, to be dry to you as you are to me. Not sure if I can give you a dose of your own medicine or if I should let this chance go to waste. Im fucking tired if you playing games, fucking tired of you being around when I finally dont want you. Either stay inside my life or stay in the fucking dog house. 

Dear Dorinda,

You are strong, you are blessed and you are beautiful.

You may feel lonely in a way that we can not help each other and I fully understand what you crave and what you desire. God has put you through these trials and tribulations dealt with intimacy to show you what love has to offer. And maybe you are yet to meet a man who can emotionally and physically satisfy, But I promise down the road, if your patient, he will show you love through his eyes. You want someone who can connect with you on a certain level that no one can compare to. A companion, as well as a friend. Just pray, be patience and I promise God will bless you in disguise with someone who will make your stomach whirl, heart beat throb and put your desires to halt.

Check Her Out http://hipsterrunaway.tumblr.com ;)

<3